Grace & Angus – The First Drive

The First Drive Alone

Six months of having Angus in the car. Six months of looking back to check he is okay. Six months of reaching a hand back to hold his. Six months of Angus and looking back is completely instinctive.

You drive, and without even thinking about it, you glanced back to check he is okay.

For a split second, there is a panic. Why is he not making noise? Where is he?

And then you remember.

You realise you’re not checking on them anymore. You’re looking at an empty car seat.

The habit is there. The instinct is still there. Your mind and body haven’t caught up, with the reality that the little boy you spent months automatically checking on isn’t there anymore.

And that empty car seat isn’t just an empty car seat. It’s a reminder of everything that should still be there. 

Something as small as looking back to the empty car seat can become a huge moment of grief. To others these are tiny moments. To me, they are milestones. The seemingly small moments, can be become huge moments, huge milestones to a bereaved parent.