Right Where I am
It’s been 4 years and 4 months we have lived so much longer without her than with her.
I am proud to say I am a survivor, however I am still healing because I am still loving. I am sad that I know now so much pain and I will never be the person I was before.
I am in a place of answering my little children’s voices about death, where their little sister is right now and which star she is on.
I am in the place of being as fragile as I am tough, as whole as I am empty, and as lost as I am sure of exactly where my feet are planted.
I am in a place where I feel more confident as a person and I am a better person for losing Lilly. I am doing things now I would never have had the confidence to do before. I went back to college and graduated with a HNC, I am now a pupil support worker in a local primary school. I feel she has taught me to be more appreciative of what I have.
I feel that I can finally tell that someone that once was me (not being able to imagine the years) that it will be ok, you will survive and come out the other side uprooted, empty and bruised. But unbelievably stronger, that we can move through life with understanding and purpose for life so much more than we could ever have found without someone leaving our arms and leading us to it.
Lilly has shown me to make sure Hannah 11 years old and Liam 8 years old a happy, fun and wonderful childhood with magical memories where they will never say their mum was always sad. They will know that through all the pain I made sure their life was great.
I want to be someone that inspires my children to keep going when things get tough and be all they can be. I thank Lilly for that x
This poem was written by daughter
My little sister is like a rainbow
My sister lights up my world
Her eyes are as blue as the shimmering sea
Her face is as red as a soft velvet rose
She is so colourful when she is watching over us
She never stops glowing in the night
She never stops glowing when we look at her
We miss you very much love from all of us
