We Are Nothing Without Those Who Came Before Us: Reflections from Our Founders Afternoon Tea

Last month, we had the privilege and joy of welcoming two of our charity’s original founding members to our Family Centre at Craiglockhart for afternoon tea.

Dorothy and Jane, alongside a small group of fellow bereaved mothers, began meeting and supporting families more than 40 years ago, laying the foundations for what would later become Sands Lothians, officially registered as a charity in January 1996 and now known as Held In Our Hearts.

As we celebrate our 30th anniversary this year, it has given us an opportunity to pause and reflect on how far we have come, and how our values of empathy, connection and love have always been the driving force behind change.

Held In Our Hearts, and everything we stand for today, would not exist without the people and stories that came before us. From our innovative Hospital to Home service, now expanding into its sixth health board, to our growing national impact and engagement with the Scottish Government, our work today has been built on the dedication, courage and determination of those who paved the way.

Dorothy and Jane’s visit provided a wonderful opportunity to look back, reflect on the challenges we have overcome, and share some of the stories that have shaped our charity’s journey.

Among the many memories shared that day, one story stood out above all others: the story of Lulla-bye and the legacy of the families whose experiences contributed to the Mortonhall Infant Cremation Report by Dame Angiolini.

The Mortonhall Infant Cremation Report and Its Legacy

For decades, parents whose babies had been cremated at Mortonhall Crematorium were told that no ashes would remain following their baby’s cremation.

Subsequent investigations found that the ashes of many babies had been buried or otherwise disposed of without families’ knowledge.

These findings affected over 250 families, leaving parents with unanswered questions and a profound sense of loss. For years, they had believed there was nothing left of their children to recover, lay to rest or memorialise.

Among those families was our founder, Dorothy Maitland. Dorothy’s daughter, Kaelen, was cremated at Mortonhall 25 years before these issues came to light. Determined to uncover the truth, Dorothy played a pivotal role in ensuring affected families were heard and that their experiences informed wider public awareness and change.

Turning Heartbreak into Change

As evidence emerged that many parents across Scotland had been left in a state of distressing uncertainty about their babies’ ashes, a series of reviews and investigations were undertaken to examine cremation practices and consider how improvements could be made.

In 2014, Lord Bonomy’s Infant Cremation Commission Report set out recommendations relating to the handling of recoverable remains following the cremation of babies and infants across Scotland. Its findings helped drive greater consistency, transparency and accountability in infant cremation practices and informed significant changes across the sector.

Most importantly, it acknowledged what bereaved parents had known all along: that every baby matters, every family deserves honesty, and every effort should be made to recover and return ashes wherever possible.

The advocacy of the families affected by the issues identified at Mortonhall Crematorium helped change practice across Scotland and shape national policy for future generations.

A Memorial Chosen by Families

Following the publication of the report, Dorothy Maitland and fellow bereaved parents continued to advocate for answers, accountability and change. Their determination would ultimately contribute to national reform and create a lasting legacy for bereaved families across Scotland.

Alongside their efforts to seek answers and improve practice, families wanted a lasting memorial that would honour their babies and ensure they would never be forgotten.

Today, Lulla-bye stands proudly in Edinburgh’s Princes Street Gardens, offering a place of reflection, remembrance and comfort for bereaved families. Designed by renowned Scottish sculptor Andy Scott, the gentle giant has become a powerful and enduring symbol of love and loss.

The sculpture was selected by the families themselves. Embossed with forget-me-not flowers and with a trunk designed to appear as though it is cradling and protecting, Lulla-bye reflects the enduring love parents continue to hold for their children.

Every aspect of the design carries meaning. Strength and gentleness sit side by side, creating a space where families can remember, grieve and feel connected to those they have lost.

Lulla-bye honours the babies who should, and will, never be forgotten. She acknowledges the parents who fought for answers. And she represents the compassion, determination and resilience that continues to drive our work today.

For many visitors, it is a beautiful sculpture. For countless families, she is something much deeper: a symbol of remembrance, love and hope.

And for Held In Our Hearts, it is also a reminder of the legacy of Dorothy and all those who worked tirelessly to ensure that no family would have to endure the same uncertainty again.

Carrying Legacies Forward

As we celebrate our 30th year as a charity, we are reminded that meaningful change has always started with people who refused to accept that things should stay the way they are.

Dorothy, Jane and the families whose experiences contributed to the Mortonhall Infant Cremation Report by Dame Angiolini challenged a system that was failing bereaved parents. Their persistence led to national reform, improved practices and a lasting memorial that continues to bring comfort to families today.

While much has changed, our mission remains the same: to ensure no one in Scotland faces pregnancy loss, baby loss or infant loss alone.

We continue to advocate for equitable bereavement support across Scotland because we know grief doesn’t wait, and neither should support.

Through innovative services like Hospital to Home, and our ongoing campaigning work, we are helping to build a future where every bereaved family can access the support they need, when they need it most.

One day, we hope people will look back and ask:

“How did we ever have a world where specialist bereavement support wasn’t a recognised right for every bereaved family?”

Just as Dorothy and the families affected by the issues uncovered at Mortonhall came together to create change, we must continue that work today.

Because change happens when people raise their voices. Change happens when communities come together. And change happens when we refuse to accept that bereaved families deserve anything less than the very best support.

Ready to make change? Read about our latest campaign and add your name to our open letter here: Grief doesn’t wait. Neither should support.