May
For the past few years May 4th has been a date set aside for TFMR Awareness Day. It’s a chance to acknowledge those who have had to make the heartbreaking decision to end a pregnancy due to receiving a worrying diagnosis. This dedicated day is vital for raising understanding and awareness of this unique type of baby loss which can still be surrounded by stigma and a lack of understanding about its deep emotional complexities.
TFMR stands for Termination for Medical Reasons, and it is one of the least talked about types of pregnancy loss, however it is sadly more common than people realise. It can also be referred to as TOPFA (Termination of Pregnancy due to Foetal Anomaly)
At least 5000 TFMRs take place every year in the UK, yet it remains an extremely isolating experience for many.
Regardless of what the diagnosis is for you or your baby, being in control of the decision to end a pregnancy is extremely difficult. We know TFMR is no less of a loss, and parents’ grief is in no way less valid. We understand parents will be grieving the baby they longed for and they may have met, held, named and made memories with their son or daughter. We understand there can often be an immense feeling of guilt and potential regret around having to make a decision no parent should ever be faced with.
Sadly, many of the families we speak to feel there is still judgement and stigma around having to make the decision to end a pregnancy for medical reasons and because of this many parents choose not to share specific details of their loss with friends and family for fear of unwanted or insensitive comments. Some TFMR parents feel they are not as deserving of the same support as other bereaved parents. This is not the case; we are here for you, and you have your rightful place within the baby loss community.
We wish to break the silence around TFMR because quite simply, TFMR is baby loss.
We want to remind all families we are here for them and recognise their pain and loss.
Our Peer Support Workers; Vikki, Lindsay and Lynne, have lived experience of TFMR and are available to families, providing tailored support. We also have strong connections with ARC – Antenatal Results & Choices – www.arc-uk.org who are able to provide parents with impartial information and support during and after the diagnosis and decision-making process.
Please know we are here for you, please reach out to talk if you need to.
Today especially we remember all the little ones and their parents who were faced with the most impossible choice.
We would like to encourage all our TFMR families to comment with their baby’s name and stories if they wish to acknowledge them on our Facebook page
